10 Facts About Me…

10 Facts About Me

When I started this blog I remember my Mum saying to me ‘try not to reveal too much about yourself’. And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in the modern day world of social media, it’s that people LOVE to be nosey – so she was definitely right. After all  (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again), Social Media is a forum for people to flaunt the best parts of their lives for the validation of strangers.
Because of this, I make a conscious effort when writing my blogs to share my personal opinions and experiences without delving into too much detail.
I do however recognise the importance of engaging with my readers – and in order to do that you need to get to know more about me, the Witch! Obviously there are things about myself that I don’t feel comfortable and probably won’t ever share – but sharing is caring init, so I’ll at least try.

What I though I’d do with this post is write down a few facts about myself… please appreciate the fact that I’ve left out the words ‘fun’ or ‘interesting’ on purpose here. One of my PET HATES is when people do blog posts saying ‘10 fun facts about me’ or ’10 interesting facts about my life’…. and half of them end up being boring as fuck. You’re then left re-reading the post, still trying to search for the fun 10 mins later wondering why you were deceived in such a way! Precious minutes of your life were wasted reading pointless facts like ‘I once breathed air’ – how scandalous.  So I don’t wanna commit to saying they’re fun or interesting facts… I’ll go for the more humble approach and hope for the best.

Actually come to think of it, another thing that pisses me off is them ice breaker type scenarios. Like when you start a new class, a new job or something along those lines, and you have to say 1. your name, 2. where you’re from and 3. an interesting fact about yourself….
Never does your life feel as uninteresting as when you have 2 minutes to think of an interesting fact about yourself and present it to a group of strangers who don’t give a fuck… you start questioning your whole existence. Digging out a mental map of your family tree to try and find a distant relative who was either famous or did something interesting 50 years ago. Asking the person next to you if you can borrow a fact of theirs. Making up that you know another language cause you can say ‘hi’, ‘bye’ and ‘please’ in it.
Then you end up scrape-ing (dunno how to spell it but scraping felt wrong) the barrel and coming up with something along the lines of… ‘I don’t crunch peas and beans when I eat them, swallow them whole’. Which brings me to my first fact:

  1. I don’t crunch peas and beans when I eat them. I swallow them whole.

Yes I did stand up in-front of a group of strangers and say this! At which point I realised just how weird it was. When I was younger I was a VERY fussy eater. My primary school tried to adopt some sort of dictatorship approach to school lunches, by which if you didn’t finish your plate you’d get shouted at (my worst nightmare). I never liked peas, but as a result of being force fed them I learnt that if I swallowed them whole then I wouldn’t have to taste them.
I do the same with beans for no real reason other than the fact that they’re a similar texture to peas. I’ll still happily eat them both though…  but you can miss me with the whole mushy peas concept, that is sickening.
  1. I had a phobia of flying until I was 18

A proper proper phobia as well. I was even scared of planes flying in the sky. In school if I could hear them flying I would cover my ears and crawl into a ball. Driving past airports made me panic and at night time I used to sit at the window and look at the sky for the flashing plane lights to scare myself (yes I was a weird child I’m already aware and have accepted it).
When I hit 18 I found a ‘fear of flying course’ that British Airways were offering so I went on it. We spent the day in presentations about how planes work etc. And in the afternoon they put us all on a plane for a 40 min flight – now imagine that, a plane full of 100+ people scared of flying, sounds like a right laugh.
The pilot announced ‘the cabin crew will shortly be closing the doors ready for takeoff’… which was my cue to attempt my great escape… I ran down the aisle towards the door screaming ‘GET ME OFF!!!’, which was obviously really comforting for the other passengers who were all legitimately scared of flying.  Long story short, I had to be pinned down to my seat by a very patient woman whilst I was kicking and screaming (not my finest hour). At take-off I made her sit next to me whilst I gripped her hand with a force unknown to man and probably managed to crunch a bone or two – her payback for restraining me. However, once we got in the air I opened my eyes n thought to myself… ‘oh, this ain’t that bad after all is it’ as a strolled up and down the aisles arrogantly whilst the rest of the plane glared at me for ruining their whole experience.
I’m such a cunt.
Moral of the story is – I’ve been fine ever since (ish).
  1. Used to Swim Nationally

… That is, until I hit 14 and discovered fake tan. Nah it was mainly because I went to boarding school when I was 11 so I couldn’t train with a club anymore. Up until secondary school I would train twice a day and compete on weekends around the country.
Swimming is like my party trick. People always love to bang on about ‘oh I could beat you in a race’… so I’m like yeah go on then, and obvs end up winning 🙂
I can surf as well! I have a surfboard at home that’s not been used in nearly a decade. But I used to go every summer growing up (In Cornwall obviously, remember I was scared of flying so none of my family were allowed to go on holiday aboard because of me! 🙂 ).
  1. I Graduated with a First Class Degree

I actually avoid telling people this cause I’d never want it to come across as me boasting. But whenever I do end up telling people I get told I shouldn’t hide it… so here is me not hiding it I suppose.
My degree is in Management, IT and Business – with industrial experience. I actually graduated within the top 0.05% of students at Manchester Uni for that year, and was presented an award for outstanding academic achievement at my graduation ceremony. I also received an award for my dissertation after presenting it at a business conference – that’s how I got my job after Uni (a fact inside of a fact!).
… so NEXT TIME someone wants to come onto my Instagram and attempt write shit about me saying I’m just an insta hoe etc. I’m gonna send link them to this paragraph!!
This is why I get so annoyed when people try to chat shit and its a prime example of not to judge a book by it’s cover. Just because someone doesn’t throw it in your face, doesn’t mean that don’t achieve things behind the scenes.
Don’t piss me off.
(Side note – I’m still shit at spelling, lack a lot of common sense about real world issues and say stupid shit all the of the time).
  1. I Used to be an Ice Cream Scooper

When I was 19 I got a summer job on the Pier in my home town in my summer break from Uni, part of which involved serving ice creams to holiday makers (my favourite type of people, being the welcoming, spritely person that I am :/ ).
Imagine that – me (the Witch)  serving ice cream to happy holiday makers in my spare time for dirt change… what a time to be alive.
I’m really clumsy so I wasn’t the most talented ice cream scooper and I used to get pissed off with all the kids being nosey and existing whilst I attempted to put the scoop on the ice cream cone without it shattering into a thousand pieces.
Also whenever I was hungover (which was every week) I used to have to squat behind the counter to eat a banana to stop myself from being sick everywhere… once I was over my initial hangover I would then stand and eat all of the ice creams with a spatula out of self pity.
  1. I’m Addicted to Carmex

This is actually a serious addiction I’m not even joking. I’m fully addicted. I’ve not been over 10 meters from a Carmex in the past 10 years.
If I go into another room I’ll make sure I have my Carmex in my pocket so that I don’t have to go back and get it. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and apply Carmex. As soon as I think about it I have to apply it, and if I don’t have it on I get REALLY irritable.
*applies carmex*
(Side note – my lips aren’t dry btw, I just hate the feeling of having nothing on them).
  1. I’m Intolerant to Milk and Pasta

When I was younger I used to eat one of two meals EVERY single day (my mum called it the Beige diet because I only used to eat Beige foods). The first being cereal, usually Golden Nuggets (either in the morning, before bed, or both), and the second was pasta with cheese.
Not sure if there’s such a thing as overdosing on certain foods but it took me till the age of 19 to discover that the cause of my IBS and excruciating pain after eating was pasta and milk.
I’ve not had pasta since I was 19 (although I found a good rice pasta recently which tastes just the same), and I can have a little bit of cows milk in my tea but that’s it. If I want cereal I use almond milk which tastes sweeter anyway so that works for me.
  1. My Childhood Dream was to be a Games Tester

I make no secret of the fact that deep down I’m a geek. My sister and I used to spend most of our spare time playing PlayStation or on the Nintendo 64.
We used to watch this programme called Gamezville on Sky One (if you’ve heard of it then you’re a real G) presented by these two pretty buff black guys and basically their job was to receive all of the new game releases before they came out, play them, review them on the show and then challenge members of the audience to see who was better.
This is basically still my dream job.
Maybe is should just start a YouTube channel and become a female Games Tester… don’t steal my idea!
  1. I used to think I was Born a Boy

Sounds very weird now that I’ve written it out. Very weird indeed.

Essentially, what happened was… I didn’t have hair until I was about 2 years old. So I looked like a young Paul Scholls. When I got a bit older (age 3/4) and could understand people, I used to overhear my mum telling people about the times when I was a baby and people used to think I was a boy. She would dress me in pink and tie bows on my head, yet people would still refer to me as a he!

I used to take everything I heard literally (I still do) and so hearing my mum say people used to call be a boy confused me to say the least. As a result of this I used to talk about my past referring to myself as a boy… walking up to people and say ‘WHEN I WAS A BOY…’ blah blah.

Obviously nowadays it wouldn’t be as surprising to hear someone say that, but back it the I used to get the weirded looks!

  1. I’m TERRIBLE at the Violin

When I was at primary school, I woke up one day and decided I wanted to learn the Violin. I made my parents drop everything and get me a hand make Violin and off I went into my first lesson.

First of all, in my defence, I only wanted to learn Violin because my best friend did it and I got FOMO whenever she went to orchestra practice. Second of all, my Violin teacher creeped me out for some reason… so I literally refused to talk to him. Apparently I wouldn’t even say hi or bye, all I remember is wanting to leave as soon as a I got there.

I refused to practice in my spare time, the only thing I can remember being able to play was puff the Magic dragon and the noise still rings in my ears. I don’t think I was even allowed to practice at home because my dad would just get pissed off at the racket when he was trying to watch the football on TV.

Beating the odds I managed to get to Grade 3. You needed 100 marks to get a Pass (the other grades are Merit and Distinction – safe to say there was no danger of me getting either of those). I never failed an exam although I did get 101 once and I’m certain it’s because the examiner felt sorry for me – he’d asked me to read and play a new piece of music laid out in-front of me which I didn’t know how to do so I just started freestyling (lord knows what that sounded like).

Eventually I had to admit defeat and give up. Much to the delight of my parents.

I was so bad at violin that a few years ago my dad told me that he wants me to play the violin at his funeral so that he can laugh at me from the grave!

Anyway, hope this has given you a bit more insight into my life!!

If you have any questions please get in contact 🙂

Ciao for now – Elz, the Witch

10 thoughts on “10 Facts About Me…

  1. This was my favourite blog so far…(I read them all… Not that I’m a mad stalker or anything 😂) Along with the ‘growing up ginger’ one (because I am a fellow ginger, under the bleach) I love your honesty and humour!

  2. The plane phobia story had me crying imagining you running down the aisle and everyone’s reactions 😂😂😂 yes another awesome post! xx

  3. I never thought I’d enjoy reading a blog as much as I enjoy reading yours. Also, the peas and beans thing is so me , when I discovered mushy peas I couldn’t even comprehend how someone could think to make that a thing. Was a great read, keep it up xx

  4. I never read anyone else’s blogs, but only yours 😅. Cause this is the second time me reading it. I loved the first ever blog you had posted here 👍🏼. Thanks for spending the time to make a wonderful blog. I loved reading it. I follow you on Instagram and Sc 😃… also you’re very funny 😂 and impressive girl . Keep being you.

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