2017 Wrap-Up

Reflecting on 2017

How the fuck has another year gone by because as far as I’m concerned, it’s still 2008 and I’m on the 588 bus from Halesworth to Norwich listening to Tha Carter III on my iPod Mini… I’d just like to add that that bus took an hour and a half. AN ENTIRE HOUR AND ONE HALF to get to the nearest city… woe is life.

To put things into perspective, when the clock strikes midnight on 31st December 2017, it will be 2018. As a result of this, there will be some kids that were born in the year 2000 that can legally go out and drink alcohol… THE YEAR 2000! 90’s babies will no longer be the youngest generation in the clubs.

Noughties babies are becoming adults… but what does that mean for me because I haven’t even figured out how to be one myself yet? (as I write this I’m drinking what was supposed to be a standard breakfast tea with milk and three sugars… turns out I whacked in a mint teabag instead, which leaves little to be desired by the taste buds as I’m sure you can imagine). In my journey to greatness (adulthood) I have, and still do, face many trials and tribulations. So I thought, what better way to spread my knowledge onto the youth than to document some of them on here… the roller-coaster that is life. I like to think of my life like the Saw ride at Thorpe Park – evil, daunting, very fast – but yet many people want to ride it and would go on it again given the chance (that’s not meant to be some sort of sexual innuendo btw, I’m just saying that its fun – argh whatever).

As we approach the turn of yet another year on the calendar (this is where most people would dedicate a little bit to appreciate the gift of a ‘new year of life’ and all that schpeil… but I’ll leave you to fill that part in yourselves because you’ve come to the Witch’s blog and we aren’t at that kind of party) I thought I would do a roundup of 2017. Things that have happened, what I have and have not achieved, lessons learnt and goals for the new year.

(btw hope you had a good Christmas n that, I was gonna do a blog post on surviving Christmas but it never materialised… at least the thought was there! Maybe next year).

Things Not Achieved

  • Still working my 9-5 job, haven’t been able to quit and become a lady of luxury/ pursue my life hobbies that are yet to be identified.
  • Still can’t cook a meal without burning it.
  • Still haven’t met a guy that I can be bothered to be around all the time and share parts of my life with – and vice versa.
  • Despite claiming I would learn, over a year ago, I still can’t DJ.
  • Still unable to go 10 minutes without complaining about something
  • Still not a millionaire
  • Still not mastered the art of casual drinking, not every day drink till you throw up at a BBQ.
  • Still unable to depict any type of emotion from my mouth when I speak other than anger or sarcasm.
  • Still unable to snapchat when drunk in a club without shouting ‘EYYYYY’

Things Achieved

  • Decided to start a blog and write down a load of crap about my thoughts on life in the hope that people would read it (plot twist – they did! Happy days)
  • Overcame (somewhat) my lift phobia – by somewhat I mean that I still fucking hate them, I’ve just accepted that if I get stuck then I get stuck and I’ll have to cross the bridge when I come to it.
  • I can now spend over 5 minutes in my own company without going insane (10 at a push). I suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) too much in life to ever be settled in my own company, as much as I hate people.
  • Had my first radio interview
  • Had 2 more after that
  • Started to guest write for Link Up TV
  • Started getting real life cyber haters, which I have to class as an achievement because if you start getting haters then you must be making an impact in one way or another. Eat me.
  • Gained a lot of confidence in myself as a person/ personality. Learnt to embrace my inner witch/ talent of articulating the annoying things in life in order to make other people crack a smile at my own expense – so selfless aren’t I eyy?
  • Fully embraced my love affair with Morleys. At first I was a doubter, but I have converted and I’m now living my best life.
  • Got sent products from Carmex. I feel like I won at life this year for that reason and that reason only. Carmex.

Lessons Learnt

Like with any Good Wine (as if I would know btw, I normally go for the first £4.99 bottle that I can find in the supermarket), as time goes by we get better with age. We grow wiser as the years pass, and we learn from our experiences. Here are some of the lessons that I’ve learn this year. Some are completely new to me, some I knew already but my knowledge has expanded and some I knew but didn’t really believe.

  • If you want something doing, do it yourself.

I know what you’re thinking, because tbh if I saw this one I too would think what a boring and cliché lesson to learn. I’ve heard people say this a thousand times and true to my nature it literally goes in one ear and out the other because 1. Everyone says it, 2. It’s one of those things you hear and you know is true but you chose to observe rather than partake in and 3. It’s cliché as fuck.

However, as a natural control freak I have really started to appreciate it this year. At the end of the day, no one is going to do shit for you if you aren’t willing to do it for yourself (unless they are being paid). I always try to seek validation from people before I start something, as though they will be able to help me and share the effort… but in all honesty when I started my blog I took a leap of faith because it’s something that I kept ‘saying’ I would do, but no one was exactly sat there making sure that I actually went through with it.

Taking that leap of faith has started to open a lot of opportunities for me over the past 8 months so I have definitely learnt to appreciate being proactive and doing stuff for yourself to get results.

  • If you open your mouth, someone will get offended.

A hard one for me to digest as someone who opens their mouth regularly (pause). If you open your mouth, and words come out, and those words combine together to form some type of opinion… then someone, somewhere, WILL take offence.

This is frustrating for me because I’m a very opinionated person, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m usually right (usually, there have been rare exceptions – namely me being naive). However, I’m also a people pleaser which means that I’m constantly trying not to offend anyone and if I do then I automatically feel guilty. BUTTT at the same time I get very defensive if someone has an opinion against mine that is ill-informed.

It’s just all a bit long. Unless I’ve said something naïve and genuinely didn’t mean what I’ve said (in which case I’ll profusely apologise).

Either way, I’ve learnt this year that I am entitled to my own opinion, but I need to learn to accept that not everyone will have the same one. A tough pill to swallow.

  • Men chat shit.

Pretty self-explanatory and one that I knew already, but my knowledge is expanding and with each piece of shit being thrown at me I am learning to deflect it, like a bullshit ninja.

  • Foot Fetish’s Are Real

I fucking hate feet. There is nothing I like less, than lying next to someone and their cold foot accidently touching me. And I just generally don’t like them. I don’t mind my own, because they are half decent, but other people’s feet – nah.

That is why I am so baffled as to how many foot fetish creeps have been worming (so to speak) their way out of the woodwork this year. Here’s me, sat casually watching some TV, and I take a snapchat to let the world know what I’m doing (naturally). I get my leg/ foot in the photo (I don’t want to say accidently but I didn’t exactly place it there strategically wanting everyone to stare at my foot otherwise I would have just taken a picture of my foot), because funnily enough when I sit down, my legs have to go in front of my body, and my foot is attached to the end of my leg. Anyway, the foot is in the photo and suddenly bare weirdos start screenshotting it or messaging me about my foot. It’s a fucking foot, what do you want me to do about it?

Also, I dread to think where these screenshot end up, but what I’m most concerned about is – my poor foot, how could I have violated you in such a way?

At least I know now that if anything goes wrong in my life and I need some easy money I can sell photos of my foot. On a serious note though, it’s really weird. Everyone is entitled to their own fetish but don’t drag my innocent foot into it without my permission.

  • Veganism is here to stay


Again, I’m entitled to my own opinion before all of the vegan activists come for me. But let me give a little disclaimer… I’m not against veganism, in any way, shape, or form. If anything, I envy your will power. HOWEVER, I am perfectly content eating meat and dairy products.

Literally, it’s cool, you don’t have to worry about me – I’m living my best life. So please, do not try and convert me. It’s a great thing to do, to want to spread awareness and it’s for a good cause. There are plenty of people who are intrigued by it and these are the best people to talk to.

But little old me, I’m doing just fine eating my food. I just want to eat, in peace. Thanks.

Back to the lesson at hand here – veganism, I believe, is here to stay. I think we will see more and more people, restaurants, publications, media outlets etc. embracing veganism.

Which brings me to my next lesson…

  • People will claim to be Vegan for the culture

In its newest form, doing it for the culture means whacking ‘vegan’ in your Instagram bio whilst you go about your daily business eating chicken and fish. Why are you lying for?

If you’re gonna claim you’re a Vegan, just be one for god’s sake. But don’t let me catch you eating chicken a few weeks later as though it slipped your mind. There should be some sort of probation period for people converting to Veganism, by which only once you’ve passed can you publicly announce yourself as a Vegan on your social media profile.

My Thoughts on 2018

Other than the fact that I’m going to be getting old as fuck next year, I am actually very excited about what it may hold for me. Normally I just see it as another year, another day, same me different year and all of that.

But I think my increasing age, and the fact that I’m still not where I want to be in life, has recently started to push me into putting myself out there more. 8 months ago I started this blog and it was a big step for me because I’m quite a private person and I’m also terrified of failure – which holds me back considerably in life. The blog was a risk because I’d never written anything other than academic papers before (coursework, exams etc.) and I literally just opened my Word one day and started writing in a style that I’d never done before, a style that is basically the thoughts in my brain with no filter. It could’ve gone completely wrong had no one of given a shit – but somehow people have really supported me and I am so grateful for it. My mum always used to tell me how unique my personality was, I guess I never saw it until I just let go of caring and took away my filter – and embraced my inner Witch.

I’m still finalising my goals for 2018, but as a result of starting the blog I’ve been able to start doing radio, guest write for other publications, attend events etc… so for me the main focus is to continue to produce good content and hope that one day it falls into the hands of the right person and we all live happily ever after (well mainly me).

Thank you again to everyone who takes the time to read and support my stuff, it means so much!! Look out for me in 2018 😉

For those who made it to the end I have included a link to Buzzfeed’s most popular memes of 2017 on a month by month basis…. thank me later:


Ciao for Now – Elz, the Witch

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