The 7 Types of Guys That Will Try and Chat You Up
Let me set the scene… It’s a nice day, sunny but not too hot. You’re making movements, simply trying to get from A to B. You’ve got your headphones in, listening to some new Drake (shock), minding your own business. Then suddenly…
“Oi! You alright babes, you’re lookin nice you know… Let me chat to you init”
Initially you’re confused… which UK artist has Drake featured this time?… Then, an abrupt presence is felt invading your personal space. An obstacle has blocked your path, what could it be? You look up, removing one headphone (instantly killing the vibe), and are confronted with the rude awakening that you are now in the midst of an apparent pick up attempt… Why you? You didn’t ask for this… you did not ask for this at all.
The pick-up line above can be adapted to many a language, accents, slangs etc… but it more or less translates to one thing: ‘Hi, I think you’re fit, let’s talk‘. The pick-up attempt is a universal mating ritual and I wanted to do this post as I knowwwww females will be able to relate, and maybe the men too!
Over the years, after enduring a couple of pick-up attempts here and there, I’ve been able to piece together my observations, and have come up with a list of the 7 types of guy that try and approach girls. The basis of my research spans over a period of roughly 10 years, multiple areas of the UK and a few other countries… I couldn’t tell you my sample size but I can tell you this – we’ve all experienced at least half of the following examples.
*Assume that in the scenarios below, the response to the pick-up line was something like – I have a boyfriend/ I’m not interested.*
1 – Your New ‘Friend’
This one baffles me. This is the type of guy that will, after previously stating he finds you attractive, play the “can’t I just be your friend then?” card.
Firstly – you’ve almost explicitly highlighted by your earlier actions in chatting me up, that you do not, in fact, want to ‘just be my friend’.
Secondly – I didn’t set out this morning thinking, you know what I could do with finding today? Another friend! I actually do tend to already have friends, funnily enough. My friends also do not try and hit on me, added bonus.
I’m not by any means suggesting that the guy is not worthy of being a friend, nor do I know anything about his personality to judge it. However, I don’t want to be your friend, and you don’t want to be mine, so let’s just move on with our lives.
2. Mr. Steal Your Girl
I have a personal vendetta towards Mr Steal Your Girl. After telling him that you have a boyfriend, this guy will turn around and say one of the following:
- Does your man treat you good though?
- How long have you been together?
- I can treat you better than him.
Ladies, this guy literally doesn’t give two shits that you have a boyfriend, which makes ending the conversation even longer – annoyingly.
What really pisses me off about Mr. Steal Your Girl, is the fact that he has the cheek to ask if your man treats you good… as if I’m gonna stand there and say “you know what yeah, he actually treats me like shit”
And what, Mr Steal Your Girl, makes you assume you can treat me better than my man? I’ve already divulged the key piece of information to you that I am not interested… the way you can treat me however, is with some respect for my relationship (which is made up anyway but still).
3 – The Non-Believer
“Did you just make that up?”
The non-believer will respond to you by producing the above line. The non-believer confuses me slightly. Is he trying to make himself feel better for the fact that he just got parred (rejected)? Is he trying to catch you out on a lie?
But fundamentally, why do you think that I would make up it (Even though I have)? Am I not worthy enough to have a boyfriend? Is it really that hard to believe that someone may have already beaten you to the punch? The non-believer is slightly offensive but tries to play it off as banter. Good one.
4 – The PT
The PT is more or less self-explanatory and very, very common. He is the personal trainer in your gym that wants to use training you as an excuse to make a move/ perv on you when you’re doing squats.
You’ve interrupted my work out for this, and are, in fact, doing the exact opposite to what a personal trainer is supposed to do – enabling exercise. You are cock-blocking my gym session.
5 – The Silent Follower
This is quite a new addition, evolution is occurring and new approaches are evident. This guy will follow you and stand very close to you for a good few minutes before making his move. More times I think he is nervous, or just has shit chat.
Anyway he’ll usually come out with something like ‘What’s your name?’ and then have no real follow up, but will continue to walk beside you. This happened to me in Westfield the other day, it looked like we were a couple strolling along together – this has to stop.
I normally have to divert my route so that our romantic stroll gets cut short.
6 – Bi-Polar
This guy will go from 0 to 100, real quick. He will talk to you, pay you compliments, put in work… but as soon as you either 1. Ignore his advances or 2. State you have a boyfriend… his inner bitch will come out.
“pshhh… you ain’t even that nice anyway”
The bi-polar guy can’t deal with rejection so instead decides to offload an insult. So now, not only was your journey from A to B interrupted, you’ve also been insulted because you didn’t want to talk – how dare you.
7 – Unavailable but Available
This type of guy is slightly different to the rest. He actually seems like a decent guy, you click, he asks for your number, if you’re single you don’t make up that you have a boyfriend… Instead you give him your number and end up going on a date.
These guys are often successful because they are a catch… and this is also the reason why they already have a girlfriend/ wife/ some sort of situation that actually makes them unavailable. Yet they act like they are available.
These guys are easy to fall for. They are good at chatting up girls because they take a more relaxed approach… at the end of the day they have nothing to lose – if you reject them its calm because they already have someone, if you don’t reject them then it’s a win win situation.
Like with an epidemic… this movement cannot be stopped, however we can try to contain it. Ladies, keep your head down, do not make eye contact, and if in doubt – make up that you have a boyfriend (mine is called Casper, the ghost, because he doesn’t exist). And males, it is perfectly acceptable to chat a girl up, however if she says no then just allow it – don’t be one of the guys above – because chances are you’ll just end up being ridiculed in a group chat somewhere later on in the day… or better yet have a ginger girl write a blog post about you.
Any questions/ tips please contact me.
Ciao for now – Elz, the Witch.