How/ How Not to Slide Into Someone’s DMs
Throughout history our quest for love has remained concrete in the centerfold of civilisation. Cavemen probably just went with the first person they could find because humanity was so scarce. Later on marriage became a business proposal, marrying up in the hierarchy of society to increase monetary worth and status. Shakespeare came along and helped introduce romance in the form of courtship/ chivalry/ putting women on a pedestal. Endless Rom Coms and Disney movies nowadays remind us that everyone has a soul mate and that romance isn’t dead. Think of it this way, every single time you leave your house you could meet the love of your life… there is 7 billion people out there to discover! 🙂
Knock Knock. Who’s there?… The Witch.
Let me cut the BS. Whoever said Romance Isn’t Dead clearly hasn’t figured out how to access their DM requests yet. Dear Shakespeare, the year is 2017 and Juliet didn’t reply to Romeo’s DM so he blocked her… the end.
In a world where 22% of couples meet online, second only to meeting someone through mutual friends (24%), our reliance on ease of access has effectively ruined any type of romantic approach in getting someone’s attention. We have the world at our fingertips, literally, and this includes seeing someone you find attractive online and being able to get in contact with them.
What people tend to forget though, is (much like approaching someone in person), you don’t always make 100% of the shots you take (I actually stole that from a DM request I received lol).
The term ‘Sliding into Someone’s DMs’, refers to making private, direct, conversation with someone on Social Media via a private message. It’s a form of contact that the outer world cannot see. Sliding into someone’s DMs is a high risk operation – rejection rates are high, there is the risk that it could be screenshot and put into a group chat somewhere for humour. Every slide is a gamble.
If you follow the person then you will get a notification if they DM you, however if you don’t follow them then the DM goes into a folder called ‘Message Requests’… this post predominantly focuses on the latter.
We’ve all been there, receiving a DM request and thinking… why did you even bother. I am increasingly frustrated with how lazy people have become. So I thought I would outline some etiquette for how to properly slide into someone’s DMs, and how not to.
(Take this with a pinch of salt, obviously I’m not the DM expert, I’m just sharing my experiences)
If laziness was digitalised into a manoeuvre, it would be this.
This is for the people that think sending a single emoji, and nothing else, will be effective. The worst offenders are the ones who put the side eye emoji.
Not one word of conversation… not even a hello. Firstly, I don’t know you, I know nothing about you – and you sending me an emoji isn’t going to make me curious to know more. Secondly, the time and effort involved in curating that message was clearly less than the thought process beforehand, such as ‘will this make her want to reply’ – the answer being no. Thirdly, your laziness in approach suggests that you are probably a serial offender of this.
Take your blatant love for emojis and buy an emoji cushion, to lay your head on at night when you lie alone reflecting on all the DMs you sent that got aired.
The Sour Lemon:
This approach is similar to the ‘Bi-Polar’ guy in my previous blog post 7 Guys that Will Move to You. They will message you something, and if you don’t respond they will get angry.
I understand that it’s not polite to ignore someone. HOWEVER, there is no law that states one must reply to every single DM received, nor does a reason for not responding have to be given. There could be a multiple number of reasons that I’ve not responded to you, but the fact that you’ve now messaged me some sort of insult along the lines of ‘your rude and nothing special anyway’ definitely doesn’t make me want to get to know you.
The worst is on Snapchat. These times I’m at work in meetings for most of the day and check my phone to see a message like ‘your nice n all but you need to correct your attitude’… sorry? Since when did me being at work and not responding to someone I don’t know constitute for me having a bad attitude? Baffled.
Some perspective needs to be shared – it’s much like approaching someone in person, you don’t always succeed, and that isn’t a bad thing. You’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that shouldn’t be a crime.
The Fake Business Proposal:
A slightly more evolved type of DM slide. Slightly.
These people will slide into your DMs with some sort of business opportunity, be it doing promo on Instagram, a ‘modelling’ or ‘video’ shoot, new job (this one is mainly on LinkedIn)… so you are more inclined to reply. These people are clever because they use incentive.
However once you’ve replied and delve further into the detail, you realise that you played yourself and they start trying to hit on you. I’m not hating too much here because for some people this could work and it also shows initiative. But I’m a Witch so my tolerance levels are low.
Listen to My Mixtape:
This one does what it says on the tin.
I’d go as far to say that everyone has had this DM once in their life. And before you say anything, I know this isn’t exactly a pick up attempt, but I couldn’t do a post on DMs without mentioning it.
I’ve not quite got my head around this one yet. But what seems to happen is, the ‘slider’ will enter your DMs with a portfolio. Much like a casting for a modelling job. It’s kind of like taking your online dating profile and placing it into my DMs. The running commentary to it would read something like ‘here is my best selfie, judge me purely on my looks… wagwan’.
Sometimes they will accompany it with a ‘Hey’ or just an emoji (shock)… it’s almost like they feel as though they went through so much effort by sending you a photo of themselves that they think it can just speak for itself.
Most of the time the selfie is of them posing and pouting. Pouting being the key word here. Pouting. Pout……ing. With a pout. Pouting their lips. Looking at the camera, pouting. On my screen, pouting. In my DMs, pouting.
The person that wants you to know they have a lot of money/ wants you to think they do.
They will enter your DMs in one of two ways.
- Talking about how much money they have and all of the stuff they want to buy you.
- A picture of themselves with something expensive, somewhere expensive, or just an item – an expensive one. Maybe from Google images.
One time someone sent me a picture of some Gucci Flip Flops and nothing else… I think it was an ode to the Future song – Thought It Was a Drought (I just f*cked your b*tch in some Gucci Flip Flops).
Anyway, although some people may fall head over heels for a picture of you stunting in Dubai… I’d rather have some Morley’s and good company.
Money doesn’t buy affection.
Don’t Send Nudes:
This is a play on the phrase ‘Send Nudes’.
Anyone who has me on Snapchat knowsssss that I have a zero tolerance policy to this. I will literally block anyone who even thinks about doing this.
Firstly, I don’t know you. Secondly, what was your thought process in sending that? ‘You know what will get her attention…. Yeah that’s a good idea’. It got my attention alright, but not in the way you want. Thirdly, I have a respectable job and opening a Snapchat at my desk and being confronted with a nude is not my favourite past time. Fourth, it’s actually really weird to send a nude to a stranger.
Fifth, you’ve essentially just raped my eyes. I didn’t know what I was getting myself in for when I opened your Snapchat – and now it is engraved into my memory. It honestly baffles me and I would love to know if this has ever been successful in the history of nudes.
The Mutual Friend:
This one is either successful, or awkward.
We all follow people we probably don’t know personally, but have mutual friends with/ have seen across a room before. You know of each other, but don’t know each other. And the only way to get to know each other is the next time you see each other around, or by sliding into their DMs.
It’s great when it goes well… the game of liking each others pictures for the past few months has been successful. You can now get to know each other in private, and become friends if not more.
It’s really awkward if it goes wrong though. Because you can still slide into a mutual friends DMs and get aired… then bump into them a few months later and there is a massive elephant in the room with ‘Seen’ written across it. For your message that was seen, and blanked.
The rare occasion that you put your life on the line, and your DM mission is successful.
As I said above, if you have mutual friends/ know of each other then a successful DM slide is more likely. I also think that the success of a female slide vs. a male slide is higher. As a female, although it is less common and socially acceptable (for some reason a DM slide has become something that typically a male does), your chances of a response are higher. There is no science behind this, it’s just my opinion.
I’ve only properly slid in a DM once. It was on Facebook and it was my Ex, I managed to get a reply and over 4 years of drama – happy days.
The timing of a DM slide is also important. Special occasions such as Birthdays, National Holidays and personal achievements are a good approach because you have something relatable to address. I also think that sliding into a DM is a gradual process, don’t dive head first – take your time. Maybe follow, like a few pics, decide on your approach – and be original.
As I said, I’m no DM expert, and I don’t want this post to come across as arrogant in any way. I’m simply speaking on something relatable to all of us whilst using some examples.
To conclude – romance IS dead if we carry on with half arsed DM slides. Romance is still very much alive though, it’s just harder to find when everything is seemingly so accessible.
It can go down in the DMs, it’s just not as easy as Yo Gotti made out – he’s famous, surrounded by girls and made a song about sliding into DMs, so he’s probably reeling it in. But in reality it isn’t that simple.
Thanks for reading!
Any questions please contact me!
Ciao for now – Elz, The Witch